We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
