I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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