If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
