So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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