We're facebook friends in real life
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
