Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize