So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I think I died a long time ago.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
