Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
