okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
