MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
