"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
