TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
she pinky promised me she was 18
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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