why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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