im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
