So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
im holly from the hills drunk
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
