we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
