when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
