i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
