dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
