I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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