YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
