why didn't you poke me back
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
