Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
