I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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