Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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