Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
