Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
