All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
