True but thats because hes a fetus.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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