Already got asked if we're dating
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
