Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
