So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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