Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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