How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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