apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
