if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Farmville is her only friend.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
