My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
