Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
