Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
My pussy is not your playground.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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