ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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