I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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