I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
