K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
