So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
