I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
