Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
