Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
As shirtless as possible
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
