I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
