I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
