Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
