her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
