is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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