i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
