Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I look better un-naked...
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize