He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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