Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
