Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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