On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
