Duck Duck Cougar?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize