It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i just google imaged poop.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I don't deserve a penis
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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