STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
