Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm too high and old for this...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
