is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
