WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
