you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
