My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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