That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
