I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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