we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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