At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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