It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
