yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
