Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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