dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
