Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
