DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
