youre lurking in front of me
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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