Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
In other news, I just burned my penis
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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