His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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