you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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