After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
