I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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