you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize