her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
