I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Randomize
