I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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