just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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