p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
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