Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
