I just cut my nipple shaving
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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