Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
