So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize