if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
